Friday, March 8, 2013

3 Years Ago

As I think back 3 years ago I am flooded with some amazing memories. I remember kissing Britton goodnight and thinking about how it would be the last time he was an only child. I remember trying to create so many memories that day and trying to capture them all on camera and in words. Three years ago I was the mama to a sweet little boy with a little girl moving around in my belly. With Britton I hadn't had time to really think about everything since he came early and in an emergency situation. With Paityn I was about to process it all.

I remember my thoughts of excitement, nervousness, anticipation and just wanting to remember and soak it all in. Three years ago I went to bed with a little boy in my arms and our little girl in my belly.

When we arrived at the hospital, my main thing was that i just wanted to remember it all. I have such fragmented memories due to all the drugs with Britton for days after he was born. I didn't want to miss out this time. My blood pressure dropped with my epidural and I fought to stay conscious during the csection. The room just kept spinning and spinning but I wanted to hear her cry, remember the first time I saw her. And I do. I remember her screaming and Brandon asked if it was really a girl. Dr. shearer said only her head is out! From that moment on, our little girl has kept us going. She has never been afraid to say what she thinks and tell you how she feels.

Britton was an incredible big brother from day one. He loved her and wanted to bring her home. I can't begin to describe how amazing he was with her. Brandon is wrapped around her little finger and loves her dearly. She has known from day one how to get and keep her daddy's attention. I love my little girl to pieces - how she loves to do things for herself, that she is always making sure everyone has what she has, the love she shows Britton, the laughter she has brought to our family, that she rubs our arms till she falls asleep, how she still loves to snuggle, dance and do everything just like her big brother. She is independent but also extremely dependent. She loves her baby brother Beckett already and wants to touch my belly, talk to him and tells me all the time how much she loves him. I don't worry about her not loving the baby, I worry about her loving too much and wanting to do everything for him. She is a little mama already.

Paityn has changed our lives in so many ways. It was hard at first for me to adjust to two. It wasn't the whole baby stage that was hard, it was feeling like I was always not giving one of my children what they needed, like I was constantly leaving one out. I think that's my fear with Beckett now, how to time manage all three and make sure that Spending time and being with each of them.

In the past three years our lives have changed tremendously. We were asked to lead Wednesday nights for the youth at SBC starting when Paityn was two weeks old, that turned into a youth interim position, which lead to us leaving SBC and then starting at Rock Springs. How much over the past three years have we been blessed by youth, their impact on our lives and seeing God work in and through them and us.

I was working with Dr. Williams three years ago, left her office due to a lot of reasons and knowing that I made the right decision. Started with Dr Browning and thought I would continue with him until he merged with an urgent care and now just recently started with the hospital and opened a new practice.

We recently sold our house and are currently living with my parents.

Brandon became a youth pastor, opened a gym in White House and started really selling real estate seriously.

Britton started kindergarten, played soccer, made new friends and has grown so much.

So when I think back 3 years ago, I am amazed at our blessings, overwhelmed that God chose me to be a mom to an amazing little boy and girl with another on the way. Words can not describe how thankful I am for our little girl and the impact she has on so many.

Who knew three years ago today what changes were in store for us. I'm thankful for God - that he loves us, believes in us even when we don't believe in ourselves and forgives us. I'm thankful for a hard working husband, a roof over our heads, a great job and a future with who knows what in store. I'm thankful for Britton, Paityn and Beckett. I'm thankful that three years ago God knew what our lives would bring and allowed me to remember what blessings I have.

So to my beautiful baby girl - thank you. For who you are, the smiles and laughter you bring, the love you show and for just being you. You have been so excited about turning three and being a big girl, your Dora birthday party and can't keep talking about it all. I hope tomorrow is filled with more memories and laughter. I love you so very much my little two year old. Don't grow up too fast, enjoy who you are and the moments that pass by so quickly. Always remember how much I love you and am proud of you. Remember that God created you and has a purpose for your life.

I love you Paityn and can't wait to spend your birthday with you!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


Jessica Rae Williams said...

Paityn is such an angel Tamara! God really has blessed you with amazing children! Happy Birthday Paityn!

Kendall said...

Adjusting to your first baby is life changing. Adjusting to two babies is difficult. Adjusting to three babies is a breeze :) You will be great!