Worst Day

Today started out really well. We played, ate some breakfast, put together some Lego and relaxed.

It really was a nice day! I was changing Beckett's diaper when Paityn said she saw ducks. I said okay thinking what in the world was she talking about. She came and told me again and then told my mom. These we the ducks she was talking about! Apparently they were trying to get the fish. Papa decided it was time to get a BB gun!

We got ready to go out for the night with the kids and were waiting on Brandon when our day turned not so good. I was sitting outside with Beckett and Paityn on my lap and Paityn was eating a Popsicle. The only thing I remember was Paityn's Popsicle falling and I reached for it. Beckett fell off my lap onto his head on concrete. I panicked. He cried as soon as I picked him up but wasn't acting right. We called papa and he came running up. In the meantime I realized Paityn had fallen as well and scrapped her toe. She was worried she had dropped Beckett! When papa came up Beckett turned pure white and went limp. He said he was fine but I called 911 and hung up twice. Finally I said we are going to the hospital and we all got in the car. Mom drove crazy fast to the er and we ran inside.

Luckily Kara, a nurse I had worked with took us back and was my calm angel. The doctor came in and ordered a stat ct and all I could keep crying was that I had dropped my baby. I know I had a panic attack. Worst moments as a mom. Finally they came in and said he looked okay but they still wanted to transfer him to Vanderbilt for observation. After an ambulance ride, we arrived at Vanderbilt Er. Beckett finally was able to breast-feed and actually started to act like himself. I was not impressed with how I was treated and actually ended up calling about my poor experience. It was like they questioned why we were there. They did review the ct and sent us home. Worst few hours of my life... It was so hard. I know that we did the right thing and I know it was just a freak accident but its going to take me a long time to get over this. Beckett slept on my chest for the night. I didn't want to let him go and I wanted to make sure he was okay, I also set my alarm for every couple hours to make sure he was okay. Love my little boy and am so proud for how Britton and Paityn handled it all! Definitely not a day I want to live again.

One of the best parts of the day was when he was able to breastfeed again. He will grab your finger if you put it in his hand but he reached out and grabbed onto my shirt and me and didn't let go. So sweet amongst a difficult day.